Well last post kind of naturally leads on to this, on thoughts spurred on by an episode of Bones in which radical honesty featured.

Before I begin I think it’s important to define what radical honesty means to me since my definition is different from the officially recognised one as I believe the officially recognised one is flawed. My version has one main caveat. So I’ll be defining what my version is and what it isn’t. So… let’s go!

What It Is

The concept of radical honesty is to not have our default position be to lie. For people like me who can struggle with social cues (be that other people with Asperger’s Syndrome, people with other Autism Spectrum Disorders, social anxiety, etc) just the knowledge that people might not be saying what they’re thinking is a crippling thought which can very quickly become paralysing!

What It Isn’t

Radical honesty, in my opinion, should not be to thoughtlessly blurt out what you’re thinking with absolutely no regard for other peoples’ feelings. It still requires thought; the most important, in my eyes, is recognising the difference between opinion and fact. If asked for your opinion, great. But just blurting out your opinions is inherently saying that you believe the subject to be bound by your opinions.

Opinions Aren’t Facts

In the episode of bones to which I’m referring (Season 6 Episode 20, The Pinocchio in the Planter) there were a lot of examples of people blurting out their opinions to others. One example that sticks out to me is when one character said to another that their perfume was horrible (acrid, I believe, was the word they used). This, I believe, is the perfect example of imposing opinions as facts. This is a circumstance where just keeping quiet really is the best policy. Unless I’m directly asked for my opinion of something I won’t offer it if it’s negative (unless it’s a passing comment about something not relating to specific people or, at least, not people in my life). If I’m asked I try to answer honestly, I would like to remove that ‘try’ and I’m working on it, but it’s sort of deprogramming what has been ingrained in me.

Hurt Feelings

It seems to me that it’s so easy to accidentally hurt feelings that we start trying to predict how people will react to things. What we’re depriving them, in doing this, is the chance to surprise us (and in doing so showing something about themselves that we may not be seeing) or the ability to defend themselves. If we’re going to hurt feelings wouldn’t we rather do it/have it done, by truth? Sometimes the weight of something not said is almost palpable, and if we’re not saying something due to the concern of hurting someone’s feelings a lot of the time that person can tell on some level that we’re not saying what we’re thinking anyway. In not saying it we’re essentially gas-lighting that person (I will at some point make a post on this topic).

Festering Thoughts

An unpleasant side effect, for me, of not being honest is that thoughts that I keep pent up can snowball, stew, and fester. Which just leads to overthinking, ruminating, and obsessing; this takes up so much of my waking life that it’s intrusive and causes the vast majority of my angst.

Why Are We Really Lying or Holding Back?

Are we really trying to protect someone’s feelings or are we just protecting ourselves from someone having a counterpoint that may change our mind? Are we feeling like our feelings aren’t valid? Are any of these valid reasons to keep shtum?

What Is The Intention Behind Our Truth?

If the aim of our truth is to share or connect or help people understand something, then that’s brilliant. It’s hard and uncomfortable, but we’ll feel better for it. If our aim is to to hurt someone’s feelings then we’re not being honest, we’re being a c*nt, there’s a difference!

At Whom is this Blog Post Aimed?

You may have noticed that I switch pronouns from ‘us’, ‘me’, and ‘you’, throughout this post: that’s because it’s aimed at everyone, myself included. Personally I’d much rather feel guilty for something I said or did than something I didn’t say or do. What do you think? Let me know in the comments and I promise to hear rather than react (this, I feel, is the cornerstone of receiving radical honesty, but it is hard to do!). I read and reply to all my comments.

A Twitch Aside

I’ve decided to move my stream time to be a bit more convenient, so from now on the weekly stream will be Sundays at 6pm GMT+1 (The time here in Scotland). You can see past streams on my YouTube channel if you’re not sure if you’d enjoy (warning: They range from 1 hour to 3 hours, so feel free to skip!) It would really help me out in getting to affiliate status on Twitch, which would open up doors for me in that area! If you’re not sure what Twitch is, or if you’d enjoy it, why not sign up and follow my channel? It’s free and it would really help me out!