This isn’t really a blog post as far as I would usually call it, but I just wanted to write something, anything, even if it’s short, even if it’s not well written or anything like that. It will be ramble, it will be unedited, it may have typos and unfinished thoughts, but this is an outlet.
As the title says, I’m not ok, but that’s ok, it’s not a crime to not be ok, a lot of people are suffering. And just because you see others around you suffering and see other suffering as more ‘valid’ than yours, try to stop yourself. If you’re struggling, if you’re not okay, if you’re feeling down, sad, depressed, or even suicidal, that’s ok. Your feelings are valid, your pain is valid. It helps to share.
I have an amazing group of friends and we’re all struggling a lot right now and it’s oddly comforting sharing the pain, dwelling on it, even making light fun of it. Even some really really dark stuff.
Don’t be scared to open up, don’t be scared to share stuff even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
It’s ok to feel how you feel and no one worth a damn is going to deny you your pain.
Even if you do everything that you can think of to hold yourself above water it’s sometimes not enough, and admitting that is ok too.
I think I work too hard to try to portray an acceptable or palatable version of mental health struggles, but here’s a little reality in hopes that anyone reading this may come across this when they most need it.
If you’re feeling suicidal make a suicide pact with a friend. Not a pact to do it, but a pact not to. One day at a time, one hour at a time, even a minute at a time and allow a feeling of accomplishment for not doing it.